Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Privacy

Normally my feeling is that if you share something on the internet, that you can't get mad when someone else finds it. However, this only applies when those people find it themselves. I just had a friend tell me that someone came up to him and asked if he knew who I was. When he said yes, this person then asked if he knew that I was bisexual. First, this statement in itself is wrong, as I now identify myself as pansexual, but when I first came out I identified as bi, so I'll excuse that. However, just because I am out, does not give you liberty to start outing me to everyone that knows who I am. This friend did not know, but it wasn't because I didn't want him to know, it's just that I haven't told every one of my friends individually. If this had been someone that I wasn't coming out to for fear of some kind of violence or bullying, this would be a completely different story. Because of this, I am not actively seeking this person out, but if I do happen to find out who it was, my relationship with this person will not be the same. I know that this person most likely won't read this, but if you do, try to understand the position that I am in. I'm sure there are certain things that you wouldn't like me telling random people about you, even though they are semi-factual.
I know that I am probably doing exactly what this person wants in having some sort of negative reaction, but I don't care. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who talk about others behind their back in a negative manner. And apparently this person thinks that my non-hetero sexual orientation is a negative thing. Assuming that they read my previous post or my original coming out post, they misunderstood my feelings toward my sexuality. I'm not hurt by my sexuality, I'm more hurt by the fact that someone who I formerly considered a friend thought it was okay to betray my privacy like this. I guess that's what our society has come to, however. Trying to hurt people by spreading gossip behind their back, regardless of their veracity. We now live in a culture where tabloids, which were previously regarded as utter nonsense, now have their own TV show, a la TMZ. Sure sometimes they actually spout some real news, but why is it important? Can't we all live our lives in a manner that we don't care about other people's personal lives? Why should we care who is taking what drugs or who is attracted to whom? If somebody wants to share this information, by all means let them. Don't take it upon yourself to report it to everyone else though. Let them do the work and take the personal approach to make sure that whatever information is spread is correct. Not only are you potentially hurting the person, but in the process you are making yourself look bad.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Bisexuality

Since first coming out as bi/pansexual in October, I haven't really been too open about my sexuality, but I think I might change that. It really makes me angry when people on both sides of the spectrum, heterosexual and homosexual alike, dismiss those of us that don't fit into either of these two categories. So many people say that it's just a phase, that we are just undecided and will eventually choose a side. Or that we are just confused about our sexuality. Quite the contrary is true for myself. Finally coming to terms with my bi/pansexuality has cleared up any confusion about my sexuality I've had in the past. I have found myself attracted to guys for at least the last 5 years, but I was trying to push that away to try to be "normal."
A couple of things catalyzed this post as well as me being more open in general. The first is my anger at the climate towards members of the LGBT community as a whole in this country. The second is learning that Snooki has come out as bisexual. The final catalyst was talking with a friend about this topic.
It seems like we can't go more than a week without there being some anti-LGBT statement being made by public figures. I normally don't get offended by jokes, but this is beyond jokes. This is politicians that might become president basically saying that we are not real people. This is how the person actually feels. This country has a history of trying to find some minority to blame for everything and to deny rights. Unfortunately I'm a member of 3 separate minorities (atheist, bisexual, and Mexican-American) that are the focus of the public right now. I want to be open and hopefully inspire other people that may be closeted still to join me in being open, to prove these people wrong. To show them that we do exist and that we are "normal" members of society that just happen to have a different sexual orientation.
It almost always makes me happy to see celebrities come out because it restores some of my faith in humanity. It reminds me that I'm not the only one that has had to deal with the problems of trying to understand their sexuality. The most recent of these was Todd Glass. I listened to him on WTF with Marc Maron and the entire time I was nodding because I knew almost exactly what he was dealing with. His explanation of why he finally decided to come out as gay was that he wanted to try to reduce the probability of bullying, that hopefully kids will not see being gay as something wrong. However, people like Snooki coming out doesn't help fellow bisexuals. She only reinforces the stereotype some people have of the bisexual community just wanting to hook up with anything with a pulse.
I discussed this point with a friend who was one of the first people I came out to, and decided that if more bisexual celebrities in monogamous relationships came out, it might help eliminate this stereotype. I decided to look for a list of bisexual celebrities and what I found surprised me. People on the list included Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymore, Billie Joe Armstrong, Sammy Davis Jr., Kurt Cobain, Abraham Lincoln, and many more. Why is it that people like this aren't public representations of the bisexual community? For the most part they are or were mostly monogamous with their partner, and most people wouldn't be able to identify them as bisexual if it weren't for their own comments. The one quote that stood out the most to me was from Billie Joe Armstrong (lead singer of Green Day), who said, “I think I’ve always been bisexual… I mean, it’s something that I’ve always been interested in. I think everybody kind of fantasizes about the same sex. I think people are born bisexual, and it’s just that our parents and society kind of veer us off into this feeling of Oh, I can’t. They say it’s taboo. It’s ingrained in our heads that it’s bad, when it’s not bad at all. It’s a very beautiful thing.”
This really made me think. What if this is actually true? What if we all are actually bisexual, even if it is just a small portion of our sexuality? What if our culture is forcing people to be something they are not, just because it it says in some book written a thousand years ago that having sex with the same sex is morally wrong? (This is of course the same book that says that slavery is fine, people can't wear clothing made of two different fabrics, etc.) Regardless of whether or not this is actually true, I know that I was born bi/pansexual, that it isn't a choice, it isn't some weird phase, and for perhaps the first time in my life, I am proud to admit it, and I don't care what other people think of me.